The Journey from Me to We to Us
Part One of a Three Part Series on Redefining Positional Leaders
Moving an organization into a state of togetherness can also be thought of as the journey from me to we to us.
Me Focused: There are times when we are very “me” focused, and this behavior may be something we realize or not. For example, doing things with a conscious or unconscious intention to get a benefit for us may take the form of doing a nice act with the hopes of getting something in return.
We Focused: At other times we may be more “we” focused yet may still hold ourselves separate from the group in some way. This pattern can show up in many ways—especially when a person is very empathetic or used to being in a caregiver role. In these situations, we may go above and beyond to take care of the family’s needs and well-being while neglecting our own.
Us Focused: And there are times when we are more “us” focused. To me, this is when a feeling of togetherness emerges. In this state, we act and feel part of a group, experiencing closeness and happiness.
Leading along the Continuum
Image by geralt
We are all moving through life with these different perspectives appearing at various times. Some cultures and traditional norms may have us spend more time in one perspective than the other. For example, some cultures that live in community may have a more “we” or collective way of being in the world while other cultures may value independence, self-reliance, and the ability to do for themselves. Things get tricky as we are all choosing who to include in our own personal narrative of me/we/us. And it can change, making the process even more challenging!
However, if you are leading a group, community, or organization, I find it best to have an “us” disposition. From experience, being us focused more naturally fosters group closeness creates a culture of togetherness. Some refer to this as system or servant leadership. For me, what it’s called is less important than whether people feel together.
Likewise, if a leader holds a “me” perspective, the organization will more likely have that disposition and approach working with others from that perspective. Modeling that more “me” behavior becomes the organizational culture. In the recent Forbes.com article Creating A Purpose-Driven Culture, Harvard Business Review states, “culture can be defined as the ways people in the organization behave and the attitudes and beliefs that inform those behaviors (i.e., 'the way we do things around here')—including formal, stated norms as well as implicit ways people work and interact. At many organizations there is a gap between the existing culture and the 'desired' culture—the culture needed to support and advance the company’s goals and strategies. In a new culture-building model, everyone is responsible for cultivating the desired culture.”
How Do We Overcome the Tension to Reach “Us”?
In any situation where people with different cultures, backgrounds, and norms are brought into a space to work together, there will be tension. This includes differing we/me/us perspectives, which can lead to realized or unrealized conflict or the need for assimilation or adaptive belonging. If people are not able to fit into the group dynamics, they will leave.
In its article Company Culture Is Everyone’s Responsibility, Harvard Business Review shares, “To achieve the desired culture, everyone must have a clear, consistent, common understanding of it—and everyone must work together in a deliberate and coordinated effort to cultivate it. While each person or group is accountable in their own way, everyone shares accountability for achieving the desired culture.”
So, how do we move from “me” and “we” to reach “us”? The answer is quite simple. Deep down—at the heart level—people experience the realization that there is an “us”. There are different ways to reach this understanding and I find that learning circles or working in small, trusted groups can be a great starting point for people interested in exploring this part of the journey. Circles and small groups, like a dojo or training wheels, offer a safe place where people can receive gentle indirect feedback, practice techniques, experience other ways of being together, and gain confidence to then try what they’ve learned in larger organizational spaces.
If you’d like to learn more about participating in a learning circle with themes on emerging leadership, building togetherness or heart-centered well-being, please get in touch. We have new circles starting soon!